Don't Run the Trust Exercise

You notice something is off. People are polite, but there's a flatness to it. Nobody pushes back in meetings the way they used to.

The instinct is to name it out loud and schedule something to fix it. A trust exercise. An offsite. A conversation about how the team works together.

Resist that instinct. Naming a vague problem rarely fixes it, and a generic fix aimed at a specific problem usually reads as tone-deaf to the person carrying it.

"Trust" isn't one thing. It's usually one of five specific things: workload that's stopped feeling fair, recognition that's stopped being specific, safety that's gotten conditional, a leader who's stopped feeling even-handed, or disagreement that's started turning personal. Each one needs a different response. You can't fix an equity problem with a communication exercise, and you can't fix a safety problem by talking about workload.

So, before you do anything visible, find out which one it is. In the room, you'll get the polite answer. Talk to two or three people privately. Ask something specific such as, ‘If you were behind on something, would you tell the team before it became obvious?” “Who here would you bring a half-formed idea to?” Specific questions get specific answers. Vague ones get reassurance.

One more thing before you touch team dynamics. Check your own fairness first. If you have visible favorites, or your decisions come across as announcements rather than explanations, nothing else you do will move the needle. Peer trust has a ceiling, and you're the one who sets it.

Claude and I put together a survey to help identify which area may be lacking in your team's horizontal trust. Try it out at https://www.beyondthehorizonlifecoaching.com/horizontaltrust and let me know what you think.

The lesson: "Trust" is too broad to fix directly. Find the specific thing underneath it before you do anything visible.

Something to sit with this week:

Pick the version of "off" you're noticing. Is it workload, recognition, safety, fairness, or conflict? Naming the actual one is the first real step. Everything before that is guessing.

A pause to practice:

A pause interrupts autopilot and gives your brain a moment to shift from reacting to responding with intention.

Orient to the room

Before a hard conversation, slowly turn your head and take in the space, naming a few neutral things you see. It's a grounding technique from somatic practice, and it signals to your nervous system that you're safe in the present, not still reacting to whatever just happened before you walked in.

Talk soon,

Cary

Cary Brunsman, PhD

Leadership & Executive Coaching for professionals who want to take the next big step

P.S. If this newsletter has been useful, forward this issue to someone who might benefit. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do for someone is show them something they can't quite see about themselves yet.